By: Nury Vittachi, Bangkok
Aiyeeah. It’s tough being a reporter in Asia. No one tells you
anything. Usually. But police officers in Hong Kong, after being
criticized, have suddenly gone to the opposite extreme, I hear from a
reporter friend named Samantha: “We’re being inundated,” she said.1) “Insect found” was one of the first alerts to the city’s media after the new policy was introduced. Samantha said: “We neglected to follow up exactly what kind of insect would warrant a report to police and it’s bugged me ever since.”
2) “Child birth,” said a bulletin soon afterwards Samantha said: “Er, doesn’t this happen every day?”
3) “Insane person found,” said a third one. (No, it wasn’t me.)
4) Samantha and her colleagues noticed one particular news alert popping up regularly from the bar districts in the middle of the night: “Drunk person”. Given the time and place, “is this really a surprise?”
she asked.
This has made Hong Kong official news the opposite of the system in mainland China, where the biggest stories are often missed. During the violent breakup of student protests around Beijing’s Tiananmen Square on June 4, 1989, I looked up the Chinese government’s news-wire service. “Flower Show Opens” was the top story.
Negative news from China used to often be astonishingly late. I once got an alert saying something like this: “Breaking news: Panic was seen as a massive earthquake hit the hit the northwestern region of Songpan two months ago, or perhaps late the year before.”
These days, China news announcements are no longer months or years late, but often leave questions unanswered. Like the recent one about a corrupt official caught stealing 2.1 billion yuan “in cash”. How could he could carry so much money? He would have needed a sack the size of a bus. Was that how he was caught? “Excuse me, sir, what’s in that huge sack you’re blocking the street with?” “Just a few personal effects, officer.”
In South Asia, crime reports have a calm tone, however bizarre their contents. Typical police media alerts are like this: “2035 hrs: Petty thief steals bicycle. 2140 hrs: Four million people come to the village to worship a cow allegedly producing divine dung which cures deadly diseases. 2200 hrs: Quiet night, nothing unusual, so police closed station early.”
At least Asian news is entertaining, unlike Western news. Here are two real police alerts from the US earlier this year. The StarTribune of Minnesota published this: “Police report. Medina. Suspicious Activity. A resident of 2400 block of Holy Name Drive called police to report that somebody rang the doorbell, however, no one was there.” And here’s one from the Stowe Reporter of Vermont: “At 7:46 p.m., a woman on Valemont Road reported some inappropriate behavior on her Facebook page.” No wonder Americans watch movies so much. Real life must be so dull.
Samantha and I were discussing press announcements via email when a fresh Hong Kong police news alert popped up on her screen. “Overcooking: Pok Hong Estate, Tin Sum, 1540 hours,” it said. Amazing. If this is now a crime, surely all British people should be immediately rounded up and jailed? “Police better not come to my house then: my cooking’s terrible,” she admitted.
The writer is a columnist and journalist.
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